


Always In My Head

by youregonnabefine



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Angst, Depression, F/M, One-Sided Attraction, Season 2, Short, Thinking, sad Ward
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-19
Updated: 2014-10-19
Packaged: 2018-02-21 20:30:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2481422
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/youregonnabefine/pseuds/youregonnabefine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ward has been having a hard time sleeping and he knows exactly why. (Mostly just a lot of the Skyeward angst that I've been feeling since the start of the season.) Yes, it is based on the Coldplay song.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Always In My Head

Grant lies completely still on his stiff mattress. He’s exhausted, but he can’t even close his eyes for more than a few seconds. His mind keeps buzzing – darting from thought to thought too quickly to grab hold of. The only thing it slows down for is her.

The second her face comes to mind, everything winds down. He can see her frustrating smile and her bubbling laughter, he can remember the soft of her hair and the taste of her lips, and he can feel his gut split open with the image of her pure resentment towards him - her cutting hatred displayed clearly on every feature of her stubborn face. Ward turns onto his side, the dark cell walls glaring back at him. This is why he hasn't slept. 

He’s tried to forget, but he never can. All of his favorite memories of Skye are inextricably intertwined with everything he’s dying to forget, and he can’t seem to let any of them go.

There is a part of him that has grown used to the routines that come with being a prisoner of SHIELD, and has accepted where he is now. He can even talk to Skye and offer help like a rational human being, even though behind all of that he’s really losing his mind. Because there is another part of him that is stuck months in the past. It still aches to hold Skye, to love her, and to keep her safe. This part of Grant cannot accept the reality that he held her just long enough to hurt her and to break her heart, and that he is the only one she really needs protection from.

He cannot escape these thoughts – these two parts of him that won’t stay quiet. He searches desperately to find relief but somehow she’s always in his head.

Always, always, always there. She laughs, she teases, she smiles, she holds his hand, she kisses him, she hits him, she shouts at him, she hates him, and she never leaves.

Ward vacantly drags a thumb up his healing wrist. He could wait a thousand years for relief and never find it. All that he has left is to help her. That is his penance – to wait in agony while the most he is able to do is offer information, try to protect her as best as he can from inside his cell. 

She doesn't visit as often as he needs, but he’s grateful she comes at all. It’s all he can do to show her she is still all he thinks about. He knows, of course, that if she ever loved him before, she never will again. But that doesn't stop him from loving her. It nearly breaks him to recognize that even long after she moves on and he is no longer a part of her life, she will always be a part of his.


End file.
